The prodigal son returns. Now slaughter the fatted cow!
I did not update on Friday as I had promised but not out of sloth, I have a genuine reason. Read on and be enlightened.
It seems that Carl "Ugly" Wheeler has created a counter-blag for my counter-blag! How deliciously meta! It is called "Xkcd is a paragon of hilarity sucks" and it is simultaneously pathetic and hilarious that he thought he could nullify MY actions with his own. Wheeler...
This is an extract from the blag:
"Did you notice that he claimed he would update his web-log with a new web-log-post last Friday, yet said web-log-post is nowhere to be found? What is the matter, Willy Huge? Did your corpulent corpus become entangled in your doorframe, and you were thus denied access to your computing room? HA! I scoff at the and look upon you in sad shame."
For your information, Mr. Wheeler, I have been sick for the past few days. My gargantuan brain has become addled by the plague. Does this surprise you? Perhaps you or one of your partners in crime did this to me? DID YOU?!?! A feeble effort as I am back now. You cannot stop me.
I believe it was the Spanish Influenza as my anti-bodies are extremely powerful and only a ridiculously potent virus could temporarily challenge them. You have to do better than that to stop the great William Monty Hughes forever, Wheeler.
Good news, my condition has recently improved and I am now fit to write blag posts. My gratitude to anyone and everyone who sent flowers, chocolate and letters. I valued your support!
Now on to more significant news, Carl "Ugly" Wheeler has temporarily abdicated his role as Satan to one of his possible successors. I believe this is a direct result of this very blag. I have INTIMIDATED him and he cannot cope. I assume he can no longer sleep, and if he does manage to, his nightmares are haunted by my figure. He spends every waking hour thinkin... FEARING me. He is a shell of a man. Poor Carl Wheeler.
The successor is a Dr. Hórrible. His last name is rather appropriate, don't you cogitate? His first name was not revealed, probably due to cowardice. I have mentioned my name on this blag (and Carl Wheeler's) COUNTLESS times, I do not fear you, or Wheeler, or any other psychopath who happens to frequent that blag.
I am also beginning to doubt that Hórrible is even a real physician, his comments and blag post simply scream "I AM A FRAUD!". Provide proof of your claim or I may have to report you to the local authorities. Incidentally, I suggest you quit, unless you want to follow in Carl Wheeler's foot-steps. You are a much weaker man than Wheeler, it would be so very easy to break you...
Additionally, in Carl Wheeler's other blag, he accuses me of being obese! Me! I am NOT over-weight. Nothing of the sort! I do not possess a camera at this moment, however I have scoured "Google" for several hours and I believe I have found my identical twin. Here he is:
Additionally, no I SHALL NOT SUCK YOUR PENIS DR. Hórrible. I am not a homosexual, and whilst I respect and tolerate your filthy views, I shall never, ever, agree to pleasure you sexually.
Note to self: Find long-lost twin and reunite with him. Perhaps he could guest-post on my blag? I hope so.
Also on the blag, Carl Wheeler denies allegations of being hideous. He is lying once more. Carl Wheeler is VERY, very ugly. Each time a child has looked directly at him, said child has died instantly and painfully. I wish I was lying but I am not.
Carl Wheeler also invited me to meet him, I saw through his charade and said "NO!". If I had agreed, he would have united with fellow morons and attempted to attack me by surprise. With blades. Possibly.
Now, I am proficient in the use of multiple martial arts and could dominate any other man on this planet in a one-on-one fight but it is possible that Carl Wheeler and his minions COULD have potentially beaten me. In numbers.
If Carl Wheeler ever invites you to meet with him, DO NOT TRUST HIM! He is scum. He is immoral. He is human vice made manifest in human form. Be weary of him.
I originally intended for this blag post to also include my detailed analysis on the latest "Xkcd" update, however doing so proved unfeasible so I shall have to make another blag post for that.
-William Monty Hughes
"Cogito Ergo Sum"
Farewell, seekers of knowledge!Use the comment box below to converse with me and fellow geni (that is, the plural of 'genius') or send me electronic mail at email@example.com
PS. MY NAME IS NOT "WILLY" MY NAME IS WILLIAM. WILLIAM MONTY FUCKING HUGHES.