Wednesday, 8 July 2009

The reason as to why I praise Randall Munroe, genius and creator of the "online comic" "Xkcd"

Welcome one and all to my brilliant blag. I will expand on the purpose of this web-site further on, but first I must explain myself to you all:
I am William Monty Hughes. I was blessed with this title by my parents immediately after I was born. Or so I am informed.
First of all, I should not have to state this, but I must:
Refer to me fully and correctly or NOT AT ALL. This is your first (and only) warning. Doing so ENRAGES me.
NEVER EVER call me 'Willy'. I Am Not An Australian You MORON. If you call me Willy" I will be FORCED TO DELETE YOUR COMMENT. I will then revise the "brief list of people who I believe should expire slowly and with difficulty at some point in the near future" (entry to be created at a later date).
My gratitude to those of you willing to accept my (reasonable) demands.

Now, the purpose of this blag. As you can probably guesstimate from the title ("xkcd" is simultaneously hilarious and intellectually satisfying) is for intellectuals. The enlightened. Crusaders of quality. Sages.
"Xkcd" is an "online comic" by Mister Randall Munroe (if you are currently unaware) an extremely talented and intelligent man. I have also been informed that his physical appearance is above average. He is, by the majority of factors, considered "perfect".
The internet is LITTERED with these "web-comics" (most of which are abysmal). Dinosaur Comics, Achewood, PBF... Over-rated bastions of mediocrity and filth. Praised by idiots and "dorks" (interestingly, a dork is also the colloquial term for the penis of a whale, I assume there is a correlation shared by the origin of these two words, perhaps a future "google" search shall yield accurate results) who believe them to be of decency. This is not true. There are few genuinely decent web-comics. Amongst them are Control+Alternate+Detail, Least-I-Could-Do and Xkcd, including others. Each of these comics possess deluxe dialogue, exceptional art and capital comedy (I am utilizing the literary technique known as "alliteration".) They are all also criminally under-rated. I hope this will change in the future.
"Xkcd" is, clearly, the greatest webcomic of this century, and any other. Future, past and present. If someone were to tell me that Xkcd was "not very good", I would push said person down the stairs. To catalyse natural selection.
Some may lie to you, accusing "Xkcd" of having "slothful art". Disbelieve them. "Xkcd" is minimalistic but detailed and is pleasant to look at.
Sadly, "Xkcd" is a rather obscure web-comic. However, everyone who has laid eyes on this marvelous web-comic has been awe-struck! Some spread the gospel of Munroe, others commit suicide after having the knowledge that their lives have been fulfilled forced upon them, but others... Others grow jealous. Others grow bitter. They delude themselves. One such simpleton even went so far as to create a malovelent blag dedicated to "Xkcd's" "lack of quality". A liar. This "man" is Carl "Ugly" Wheeler. His nickname was given to him for his abominable appearance. It is said that if he were to time-travel (a ludicrous concept, but bear with me) and meet with the Elephant Man, the Elephant Man would run! Run in terror! Run from Carl Wheeler! I have analysed his psyche... He is deluded and quite insane. Possibly driven insane by jealousy? He claims to have once liked "Xkcd", so perhaps. His IQ is 7 (uber-retard). He told me this himself in a private message. When I laughed in his face, he quickly retaliated! He told me that it was a typographical error! That he had meant to type "124.2" (I had told him my IQ, but deliberately dropped it by 100, to 124). Carl Wheeler had obviously tried to fabricate intelligence by pretending to be more intelligent than him. Unbeknownst to Carl Wheeler, I had intentionally used a far lower IQ. I told him that my TRUE IQ was 224 but Carl Wheeler did not accept it... He couldn't accept it. He is a pathetic human being.
I lurked Carl's Satanic Blag... It was overpopulated by scum. Himself. His sycophants. His minions... All scum. All should die for the good of humanity. I found but a single kindred spirit, one known only as "Fred." Fred, if you're reading this: Send me a message. GET IN TOUCH WITH ME!
"Xkcdsucks" was becoming more popular each day. Eventually, the entire internet would be directly opposed to Randall Munroe and his wonderful web-comic. As they say, indoctrination (brainwashing)works primarily on the weak of mind. This could not, should not and must not happen.
I was pondering over how to defeat Carl "Ugly" Wheeler when I was given the solution... But by what? A celestial being? The universe itself? What? I do not know. I only know that I was chosen by forces beyond us mere humans to protect Randall Munroe. For some undefinable reason. I have been burdened with this task, and I SHALL fulfill it.
I was instructed to create this blag.
This blag shall defeat the villainous Carl Wheeler, who is motivated only by profit and hatred. Join this blog, fellow Guardians of Logic! FOR JUSTICE!
Deem Carl Wheeler's efforts nugatory!
Carl Wheeler cannot win. Carl Wheeler must not win. CARL WHEELER SHALL NOT WIN.
I shall update this blag on Friday, as hopefully by that date a new "Xkcd" will have been added to the site. It will be hilarious, thought-provoking, unique and bizarre (in a good way). No, I am not an oracle. However, I do know that Randall Munroe is an extraordinary individual. And that EVERY SINGLE "Xkcd" has fulfilled each and every one of my criteria. The same could be said for Achewood... ON OPPOSITE DAY!!!
If you are unenlightened, do not worry. "Xkcd" is known to but a few "elite". I am recruiting, as Randall Munroe seems to be opposed to self-advertisement. Shame. All should know of the paragon of quality that is "Xkcd"!
www.xkcd.com
Remind yourself to show your gratitude to me in the "comment box" below.

-William Monty Hughes
IQ 224
"Cogito Ergo Sum"

Farewell, seekers of knowledge!

Use the comment box below to converse with me and fellow geni (that is, the plural of 'genius') or send me electronic mail at iloathecarlwheelerimmensely@gmail.com

15 comments:

  1. you're the greatest

    you're the best

    ReplyDelete
  2. "That was awesome, Willy."

    schadenfreude63, I asked you specifically NOT to call me "Willy". I LOATHE that name. I even specifically prohibited my followers from referring to me in that way. I DID. Check the original paragraph of this particular blag entry. Are you perhaps illiterate? Or simply retarded? Or both?

    Your name has been added to my "Brief list of people who I believe should expire slowly and with difficulty at some point in the near future".

    Please leave the blag immediately.

    -William Monty Hughes
    IQ 224
    "Cogito Ergo Sum"

    ReplyDelete
  3. BEAUTIFUL PARODY ON THE RETARDATION OF ACTUAL XKCD FANS!

    ReplyDelete
  4. cheeseduck, you're the subtlest

    you're the most subtle

    captcha: "desuble", which is pretty close to "subtle"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Indeed. Smoking my corn cob pipe, I could not help but feel smoke pour out my nose at the most recent "Xkcd". 2038! Hilarious!

    Bravo, Mr. William Monty Hughes. Continue the intellectual stimulation.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I would just like to point out a few things:

    "Abyssmal" is spelled incorrectly; it should be "abysmal."

    "Maelovelent" is simply an atrocity of spelling. Try using "malevolent."

    "Bare with me" should be "bear with me." Unless you are inviting us to denude ourselves along with you.

    "Retalliated" is "retaliated."

    "Typoe" is "typo," or "typographical error" if you want to be more formal.

    "William Monty Hughes" is "an idiot."

    I'm sorry, what did you say your IQ was again?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Whatever are you blathering on about? Are you perhaps posting from the lunatic asylum? There are no such errors in my post. Have you become so amazed by my blag that you felt the need to invalidate it to preserve your own deluded ego? Bah. Seek help. I pity you. Now leave this blag immediately!

    Also, my IQ is 224.

    -William Monty Hughes
    IQ 224
    "Cogito Ergo Sum"

    ReplyDelete
  8. My God, I'm reading a comment a parody of a blog opposing a blog that critiques a webcomic because it references other media and ARRRGH

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mr. Hughes,

    Are you familiar with the works of Boethius? I fear we are in a downward spiral of Fortuna's wheel. Fate! At least the temple of humour Contrast-Alternate-Delegate is free from such subversives and ne'er-do-wells. I eagerly await your next installment. Until to-morrow, good-bye.

    -Asher (Last Name Undisclosed for Preservation of Privacy)
    "Veni Vidi Vici"

    ReplyDelete
  10. FOOLS! Do not be confused by Mr. Hughes' absurd writings! See the truth about xkcd at my new blog: " 'xkcd' Is A Paragon Of Hilarity SUCKS"

    ReplyDelete
  11. Christ on a motorbike I hate the internet sometimes.

    ReplyDelete